When I was younger, I was always told conflicting things about caring what others think of me. On one hand, I was told not to care, but then in the next conversation, I was told not to look like a “rug rat” in public or people would think I wasn’t taken care of. It was frustrating and confusing, and I didn’t know what to do.
Eventually, I decided to focus on not worrying about what others think and doing what makes me happy. It was a difficult mindset to adopt, and I had to remind myself often to not worry about others’ opinions. I worked on developing my sense of self and learned to depend on myself instead of seeking validation from others. As a result, I started to care less about what others thought of me and found that I really liked myself, even if I occasionally looked like a “rug rat” in public.
So, as somewhat of an authority on the subject, I can attest that seeking validation from others can be a dangerous cycle to get caught up in. We’ve all been there – basing our self-worth by depending on external validation, whether it’s through social media likes, compliments, or approval from our peers. However, when we rely on others to validate our worth, we give away our power and control over our own lives. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity.
Through my personal journey of overcoming the worry about “what everyone else thinks”, I have learned a few things that can help others. That’s why I decided to write this blog post and share my insights with others. But it’s important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Different approaches work for different people. However, taking steps to rely on yourself and your internal validation can lead to greater confidence, self-assurance, and a sense of empowerment. So let’s dive in!
The Dangers of Seeking Validation from Others
I am sure you know what it feels like- always trying to seek validation from others to feel better about ourselves. We look for it in different ways and sometimes it feels a whole lot easier to get that validation from others than doing the work to make ourselves proud internally. It’s easy to get caught up in this cycle of having our self-worth dependent on external validation, but it can be a dangerous path to follow.
When we rely too much on others to validate our worth, we end up giving away our power and control over our own lives. We become dependent on others to feel good about ourselves, which can lead to feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity. It’s like we’re putting our happiness in the hands of others, instead of taking charge of it ourselves.
And then we forget that we can make ourselves happy and when the external validation dries up we don’t know what to do. So we begin telling ourselves we must be the reason the external validation from others is gone. Then the little self-esteem and love for ourselves gets smashed further down and the only thing that will lift us up again is external validation from others.
What’s the truth?
The truth is, we don’t need validation from others to feel good about ourselves. We are valuable and worthy just as we are, flaws and all. It’s important to learn to validate ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are, instead of constantly seeking approval from others.
This doesn’t mean we should completely ignore the opinions of others, but rather, we should take them with a grain of salt. It’s important to recognize that other people’s opinions are often based on their own biases and perceptions, and may not reflect the full picture of who we are.
At the end of the day, our self-worth should not be based on what others think of us. We have the power to take control of our happiness and feel confident in our skin. We just need to prioritize our self-acceptance and trust in ourselves.
The Importance of Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance is crucial for breaking free from the cycle of seeking validation from others. It means accepting ourselves for who we are, and that includes all our flaws and imperfections. When we truly accept ourselves, we no longer rely on others to validate our worth. Instead, we become our source of validation. We learn to trust our own judgment and make decisions that align with our values and goals.
Now, I know that self-acceptance can be easier said than done. It’s not always easy to let go of the pressure to conform to societal expectations and the opinions of others. But, it’s important to remember that self-acceptance is a process, and it takes time and effort to cultivate. It’s about acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses and being kind to ourselves in the process.
One approach that has proven beneficial for me is to prioritize my personal growth and development. This involves acknowledging that I am continuously evolving and not measuring my progress against that of others. Plus it’s also important to surround ourselves with people who support and uplift us, rather than tear us down. And most importantly, we need to be patient with ourselves and practice self-compassion.
Prioritize Self-Acceptance
Prioritizing self-acceptance can help create a solid foundation to promote self validation. When we do this, we can break free from the cycle of seeking validation from others, and live a more fulfilling and empowered life. Below are 5 ways to help you build a stronger you so you can focus on your self validation.
# 1. Practice Self-Compassion
Treating yourself with kindness and compassion is so very important! It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up for our mistakes or shortcomings. But if we can learn to treat ourselves like we would treat a good friend, it can make all the difference.
Think about it: if your friend came to you and said they were feeling down because they messed up at work or didn’t meet a goal they set for themselves, what would you say? You’d probably offer words of encouragement and remind them that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. You might even offer to help them come up with a plan to get back on track.
So why is it so hard to offer ourselves that same kindness and understanding? We’re only human, after all. We’re going to make mistakes and have moments of weakness. But instead of beating ourselves up for it, we can learn to be gentle with ourselves and recognize that we’re doing the best we can.
That’s not to say we should let ourselves off the hook completely. It’s important to take responsibility for our actions and strive to improve. But we don’t have to punish ourselves or berate ourselves for our shortcomings. We can approach ourselves with kindness and understanding, just like we would with a friend.
So go ahead, give yourself a break. Recognize that you’re doing the best you can, and treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to someone you care about. You deserve it.
# 2. Focus on Your Strengths
Focusing on your strengths is a powerful way to boost your self-esteem and build confidence. Rather than constantly dwelling on your weaknesses, shift your attention to your strengths and accomplishments. This means recognizing your talents, skills, and unique qualities that make you who you are. When you focus on your strengths, you remind yourself of what you’re capable of and what you have to offer the world.
It’s easy to fall into the mindset of comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate. However, this only serves to undermine your self-worth and confidence. Instead, embrace your unique qualities and what makes you stand out from others. Everyone has something special about them, whether it’s a talent, skill, or personality trait. By focusing on your strengths, you can learn to appreciate and celebrate what makes you unique.
Another benefit of focusing on your strengths is that it can help you identify opportunities for growth and development. When you recognize your strengths, you can leverage them to pursue new challenges and experiences. For example, if you’re a natural leader, you could seek out opportunities to lead projects or teams. If you’re a creative thinker, you could explore new hobbies or creative outlets that allow you to express your ideas. By focusing on your strengths, you can expand your horizons and achieve new levels of success.
# 3. Set Boundaries
Do you want to know what’s important when setting Boundaries? Learning how to say “NO”! That means learning how to say “no” to things that don’t align with your values or goals. Or saying “no” to things that are just not of interest to you. Or saying “no” to things that will drain your energy more than add to your life energy. I mean, we all have limited time and energy, right? So it’s crucial to prioritize the things that truly matter to us and bring us happiness.
When we say “yes” to everything, we risk spreading ourselves too thin and sacrificing our own needs and desires. It can be difficult to turn down opportunities or requests, especially when we want to please others or feel like we’re missing out on something.
However, learning how to say “no” can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment in the long run. When we prioritize the things that truly matter to us, we have more time and energy to devote to them. We can pursue our passions, cultivate meaningful relationships, and focus on our personal growth and well-being.
Saying “no” can also help us establish healthy boundaries and prevent burnout. It’s important to recognize our limits and avoid overcommitting ourselves, even if it means disappointing others or potentially missing out on something in the short term.
Of course, saying “no” can be challenging, especially if we’re not used to asserting ourselves or setting boundaries. It may take practice to feel comfortable declining requests or invitations, and we may need to learn how to communicate our boundaries effectively.
Ultimately, learning how to say “no” can be a powerful tool for living a more intentional, fulfilling life. By prioritizing ourselves, our values and goals, we can create a life that truly aligns with who we are and what we want to achieve.
# 4. Surround Yourself with Positive People
It’s important to distance ourselves from negative people who bring us down and make us feel inferior. These individuals can drain our energy and hinder our progress toward our goals. It’s not always easy to confront them, but sometimes it’s necessary to express our feelings and set boundaries.
Surrounding ourselves with positive and supportive individuals is crucial for our emotional well-being and growth. They can provide us with the necessary encouragement and motivation to overcome challenges and setbacks. On the other hand, negative people can contribute to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, so it’s important to limit our exposure to their negativity and shift the focus towards more positive topics.
We possess the ability to decide who we allow in our lives and the type of energy we permit. It’s crucial to make our well-being a priority and establish limits with individuals who bring negativity into our lives. By removing negative influences from our lives, we can establish a more optimistic and encouraging atmosphere for ourselves and those around us. Selecting individuals who fit well with our lives reinforces our confidence in making good decisions.
# 5. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness can greatly benefit your mental well-being. It involves being fully present and engaged at the moment, without judgment or distraction. By focusing on the present, you can let go of past regrets or worries about the future. This can help alleviate feelings of anxiety or depression, which often stem from ruminating on negative thoughts or experiences.
In addition to reducing negative emotions, mindfulness can also increase self-awareness and self-acceptance. By paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, you can better understand yourself and your needs. This can lead to greater self-compassion and self-love, which are essential for developing a strong sense of self-worth. With regular practice, mindfulness can become a powerful tool for cultivating inner peace and happiness while eliminating the need to seek external validation from others.
Its all about you
To sum this all up, I’ve learned that what others think of us isn’t our business. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t dictate our self-worth or our decisions in life. It’s important to remember that the only opinion that truly matters is the one we have of ourselves.
When we prioritize self-acceptance, we gain a sense of freedom and empowerment that allows us to live our lives on our terms. So let go of the need for external validation and focus on building a positive relationship with yourself.
